


It's all fine and I don't mind.

by ShinySherlock



Series: English 221b [3]
Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Character Analysis, Episode: s03e02 The Sign of Three, Meta, Nonfiction, The Sign of Three Spoilers, biromantic, romantic orientation, spoilers for
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-07
Updated: 2014-01-07
Packaged: 2018-01-07 20:39:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,489
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1124144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShinySherlock/pseuds/ShinySherlock
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A close reading of "The Sign of Three" and what it means for interpreting John Watson's romantic orientation from "A Study in Pink" to now. Also on my <a href="http://shinysherlock.tumblr.com/post/72527201100/its-all-fine-and-i-dont-mind">tumblr</a>.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's all fine and I don't mind.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to destinationtoast for looking this over in the earlier stages, and to wiggleofjudas for cheerleading and handholding throughout.

So “The Sign of Three” happened. And then Jude posted [this post](http://wiggleofjudas.tumblr.com/post/72391342581/so-since-i-started-watching-the-show-ive-been).

And then my brain this morning said, "God damn it. It's been there from the beginning."

“It” referring to John Watson being biromantic and aware of his biromanticism from the get-go.

I’m not jumping into whether John is bi _sexual_ for now, though I do feel that door is also open for those of us who wish to walk through it.

What does biromantic mean? The short answer is “romantic attraction towards person(s) of the same gender and of different genders”  but the definition of romantic attraction is pretty fuzzy--some definitions say it only includes emotional intimacy, others say there can be a physical element, but most agree it can exist independently from sexual attraction (though it doesn’t have to). (Some links:  [romantic orientation](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romantic_orientation) , [emotional intimacy](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_intimacy), [romantic love](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romance_%28love%29)).

Two caveats.  First, this is solely my opinion, based on what I'd call a close reading of the text, which was always my favorite way to approach lit back in grad school. (And as any grad lit student knows, it doesn't matter what was intended; it only matters what you can successfully argue.) So if you disagree, that's so completely fine with me. In fact, pull up a chair. Tell me all about it.

Second, none of this is meant in any way to reduce the importance of Mary in John's life or deny or negate his feelings for her. At all.

So here's what my "epiphany" this morning led me to. (Yes, I woke up swearing at John Watson and myself.) It's gonna take me way too many words to explain it, but I hope you enjoy the ride anyway.

"The Sign of Three" is so very much about love, appreciation, acceptance, and identity. That could be a monstrously long discussion all on its own. But, let's narrow things down and look specifically at how John interacts with Sherlock in certain scenes.

John directly tells Sherlock that he is one of only two people that John loves and cares about "most in the world" and calls Sherlock his "best friend" several times (in part because Sherlock is having trouble parsing it).

During the best man's speech, Sherlock echoes those words back to John, calling himself and Mary "the two people who love you most in all this world," and that's when John starts getting emotional, looking ready to cry, and asking Mary to stop him if he tries to hug Sherlock. Everyone's sniffling, Sherlock wonders what he did wrong, and John can't help it now. He stands and hugs Sherlock, reassures him physically and verbally, validating and reciprocating all the words and feelings Sherlock is giving to him. This, in my mind, is a public declaration of love between the both of them.

Okay, fine. So far, lots of love, yes, but is it romantic? Well, let's see.

Sherlock says John "romanticizes" things on the blog and then out and out calls John "a romantic" and John smiles at Mary and then looks down, which certainly seems like acceptance of the term, though the looking down could be interpreted several ways (is he shy about it? is he resisting looking at Sherlock? is he thinking about the multiple meanings of the word "romantic"?) Now, certainly Sherlock could mean it in the sense of a tendency to embellish or something, but, instead of using other words which might accurately describe John's blog, the word romance is put out there twice only a few moments after the hug and the near-crying.

During the bench scene, while John and Sherlock watch Bainbridge, John shuts down Sherlock’s "chatting" about Sholto and chooses a new subject--reassuring Sherlock, restating Sherlock's importance in his life, and then equating Sherlock's influence on his life with Mary's: "We'll still be doing all this. If you were worried" and "she has completely turned my life around. Changed everything. But, for the record, over the last few years, there are two people who have done that" (Mary and Sherlock). John's confessing, yet again, how important Sherlock is to him, and setting Sherlock equal to a person he has both romantic and sexual feelings for. And look at John's body language while he's saying these things: features neutral, legs crossed, leaning one arm on the armrest of the bench--he's calm, relaxed, comfortable.

Now, all of the scenes from the stag night are colored, of course, by the fact that John and Sherlock are both drunk. But _how_ those scenes are colored is up to us, I'd argue. One possibility is that the alcohol has made them behave differently than they normally would, made them not themselves. Another is that it's done the opposite, made them more themselves, more honest, more comfortable. EIther way, it’s worth taking a careful look at their behavior.

So, we have Sherlock and John on the stairs, positioned and framed the way a couple looks when they're sleeping in bed together, and John looking utterly fine with being squished up alongside Sherlock.

Then, we have Sherlock and John playing a game about deducing identity. (God, the metaphors and layers in this scene KILL me. I am deaded.) And look at John. Listen to him. He's reclined in the chair, nearly oozing out of it, limbs expansive and open--legs apart, arms up and away from his body--shoes off. His voice is soft and he makes little chuckles and sounds that are at the very least content, relaxed, and encouraging.  His eyes stay on Sherlock. He slides around on that chair, leans forward, puts a hand on Sherlock's knee. They both look at John's hand. John looks up and sees Sherlock looking at John's hand and then he lets go, waves both hands, but doesn't move back into the chair. Instead he says, "I don't mind" and stays pretty much where he is. And listen, John emphasizes “I” there, as in “ _I_ don’t mind this, but maybe you do.” (But it doesn’t seem like Sherlock minds either). After John says this, Sherlock leans forward and their faces and bodies are much closer together now than when they were both reclined in their chairs, and John doesn't move back. He's completely comfortable with being that close.

John leans forward and nearly slips out of the chair when it's his turn to ask questions. Why? There's no advantage to being closer, physically, when playing this game. But there he is, moving into Sherlock's space, touching him. Sherlock lets him. Sherlock reciprocates by moving forward himself.

And then John looks into Sherlock's eyes and asks Sherlock if he's pretty. Twice. And sucks in his lips and blinks at him a few times.

Now, Sherlock may not recognize innuendo, but John does, and we do. If we wanted to, it would be very easy to see this as deliberate flirting, or as deliberate as flirting can be when drunk. Except Sherlock doesn't seem to see it. He doesn't tell John he's pretty; he admits he has no idea who John is, who John is supposed to be, and aren't there some lovely layers about identity and perceived identity going on there.

 _Now_ , John leans back. _Now_ , he pulls away. Because Sherlock doesn't get it. And John, even drunk!John, respects Sherlock’s boundaries.

But John is still comfortable, still content. He gripes a little, but then he's back to the reclined, expansive posture and putting his sock feet up on Sherlock's chair.

Which brings me to "it's all fine."

From the beginning, from "A Study in Pink" and the scene in Angelo's, John Watson's sexual orientation has been debated. Because that scene is so rich with possible meaning, we can go all sorts of ways with it. I've talked about this before--I mostly see that scene as John trying to suss out Sherlock's sexual orientation and Sherlock saying he's essentially asexual.

And from the beginning, John is receiving that message and respecting it. John wants to know where the boundaries are. Sherlock tells him (mostly). And from there on, John treats Sherlock the way he wants to be treated.  Gay, straight, asexual, biromantic -- it's _all_ fine. And John won't cross any lines that Sherlock has drawn.

So what changes?

Sherlock changes. He is astounded to find himself with the title of best friend and is doing everything he can to deserve it. From that moment on he is showing John Watson how important he is, how much John matters to him. He's nervous and helpful and saying things to John like, "Don't you worry about a thing. I'll get you out of this."

So perhaps that makes John more comfortable saying things he's never said to Sherlock before. Ella tells us at the beginning of "The Reichenbach Fall" that there were things John wanted to say, that he never got a chance to say. And it seems that now, John's saying them--in the kitchen at 221b, on the bench.

It’s my bet that Mary is fully aware of this side of John. After all, John has told Mary all about Sholto, and presumably a lot about Sherlock. She’s able to read people very well and then not shy about pushing them to do the right thing and help each other out, as demonstrated by her being able to tell when Sherlock’s fibbing and (gently, kindly) manipulating both of them to go out on a case and spend time together.  So if Mary is skilled at reading people, and John is crediting her with changing things, and completely turning his life around, then I’ll argue that he has told her a lot more than he ever told Sherlock, including telling her about his sexual and/or romantic orientations and about his previous relationships.

So what’s up with Sholto? Clearly, John had some important relationship with him, and he told Mary all about it. And when Sherlock appears jealous of Sholto’s importance in John’s life, Mary tries to console him by saying, “Oh, Sherlock. Neither of us were the first.” Begging the question, first _what_ , exactly? We don’t have enough data. We have only that Mary considers herself and Sherlock to be subsequent important people in John’s life and John’s (according to Sherlock) puppy-like behavior around Sholto.

So, given all of this, how can we interpret John’s many declarations of “I’m not gay”? And there are a lot of them to explain. I’m not going to go through each one carefully because omg this thing is already way longer than I intended. Let’s just start by saying most people usually define themselves by saying what they _are_ , not what they are _not_. So when John says “Of course we’ll be needing two” and “I’m not his date” in ASIP and “We’re not a couple” and “I’m not gay” in ASIB and again in TEH, he might be saying what his is _not_ , but he’s not stating what he _is_.  John doesn’t say, “I’m straight” or “I’m not attracted to men.” Instead he specifically says “not gay,” which, if we take “gay” to mean _exclusively_ attracted to one’s same gender, John’s statements--which have often been read as denials, or a “head in the sand” mentality--could simply mean that he objects to the assumptions people make about him because they are inaccurate. He is not gay because he is something else. We’ve also seen that he’s a fairly private person who, though more in touch with his feelings than Sherlock, certainly doesn’t express his romantic or sexual feelings out loud very often, and not to people he doesn’t know well (Mrs. Hudson in ASIP, the innkeepers in THOB) or doesn’t trust (Mycroft baiting him with “a happy announcement” in ASIP, Irene in ASIB; sheesh, I could even argue that’s what the “friend” vs. “colleague” thing was all about in TBB--privacy).

But then, in TEH, why does he get so frustrated with Mrs. Hudson? Well, look at what they say to each other when John says he’s met someone and he’s going to propose:

**_Mrs. H:_ ** _So soon after Sherlock?_

**_John:_** _Hmm. Well. Yeah._ (He’s not thrilled with her question but he’s not arguing.)

 ** _Mrs. H:_** _What’s his name?_ (She’s making the assumption that John is gay)

 ** _John:_** _It’s a woman._ (John’s sighing now.)

 ** _Mrs. H:_** _A woman?!_ (And listen to her tone! So disbelieving.)

 ** _John:_** _Yes, of course, it’s a woman._ (The “of course” might muck up my theory here but I’m going with the preponderance of evidence and deciding that he’s saying “of course” because he’s kinda had it with Mrs. Hudson assuming he’s gay and not listening to him.)

 ** _Mrs. H:_** _You really have moved on, haven’t you?_ (Again, she seems to be dismissing not only what she has witnessed with her own eyes--John dating several different women--but also dismissing his actual words. So now, he gets openly annoyed.)

 ** _John:_** _Mrs. Hudson, how many times…? Sherlock was not my boyfriend._ (So Mrs. Hudson has, several times, indicated that John and Sherlock were romantically and presumably sexually involved with each other, and John has corrected her many times. And again, John uses the “not” phrasing--Sherlock was not his boyfriend, but he doesn’t say “just friends” either.)

 ** _Mrs. H:_** _Live and let live. That’s my motto._ (She’s smiling and shaking her head at him and doggedly ignoring what he’s saying now and what he has apparently said to her several times before.)

 ** _John:_** _Listen to me. I am not gay._ (At this point, he’s visibly irritated and raises his voice; he even throws up his hands. His annoyance with her seems based mostly on the fact that she is not listening to him nor respecting what he’s saying; instead, she has made up her mind about his sexuality and is ignoring his own statements, or non-statements (all those “not”s!) on what is ultimately a very personal matter.)

So what’s the bottom line?

Prior to TSOT, I thought we were pretty much being jerked around as far as John’s sexuality. It was open to interpretation, sure, but the repeated “not gay” statements were getting old and I only saw a couple of options, canonically speaking--John’s in denial about his sexuality or John truly is completely straight. I didn’t like the fit of either interpretation so I went to fanfic as a salve.

But after “The Sign of Three,” I’m thrilled to have an interpretation supported by canon that makes sense, that holds all eight episodes together, that allows John to have an identity that he’s aware of and comfortable with. He’s just not comfy sharing it with people who aren’t listening to him or who are potential enemies. And this interpretation also jibes with the perceptive and respectful person that I believe him to be, because it means that he really was trying to figure out Sherlock’s sexuality in the conversation at Angelo’s, and that he heard Sherlock and respected Sherlock’s answer.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Comments always appreciated. <3  
> (And if you're looking for more to read, I made a [fic index](http://shinysherlock.tumblr.com/post/105509221665) of my stuff by category which I hope is helpful.)


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